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Sunday, November 05, 2006

I Want A Second Chance But I Keep Making Her Mad

I Want A Second Chance But I Keep Making Her Mad
by: Mark Webb, Licensed Marriage Therapist


As a therapist, I regularly counsel with men and women who are suffering with a broken heart. They tearfully plead their sincerity. Unfortunately, their fear often takes the lead of their focus and they switch to merely trying to figure out the formula or combination to get their partners to take them back again. They would rather get their own way versus doing the right thing. Be mature. Be consistent. Follow this advice.

* Don't Rally the Troops. This means don't go around and talk with all of your partner's friends, family, co-workers and worst of all, your religious leader. Men are especially prone to do this. This is a form of emotional manipulation based on guilt and shame and tends to only push your partner further away.

* Don't Fish For Reassurance. This no-no is a search for a ray of hope from the words "I love you too". Don't bait your partner with the proclamation "I love you". This forces them to respond with "I love you too" which they don't want to say. They may not give any response, which really hurts.

* Don't Repeatedly Ask Your Partner To Come Back To You. Each time you ask you are usually setting your chances back for another week.

* Don't Call. Don't Drive By. Don't Show Up At Their Work. Exercise a lot of restraint. This is very hard but it is crucial.

* Don't Try To Figure This Out By Yourself. Get a therapist or an equivalent to help you process your feelings and to develop the best approach. Telling everyone the business of your relationship will only undermine your goal and most likely make you look stupid.

* Don't Try To Be A Detective. Snooping around is a violation of their personal space. Don't go through their dressers, their e-mail, or their car. Just because they aren't feeling close to you doesn't mean that there is someone else.

* Don't Send Your Best Friend As Your Ambassador. This approach works better than you going but you have to consider that you are only trying to gain leverage versus respecting their need for space and time.

* Don't Try To Make Them Jealous. If you do this you are playing games and not seriously making an effort to hear the needs of your partner. You're also playing with other people's emotions.

* Don't Talk Bad About Your Partner. Saying negative things about your partner or trying to get people to side with you by telling your partner's faults or private matters is unforgivable.

* Don't Display Temper Tantrums. A lot of people use aggression to get their way but this reinforces your partner's notion of why they left in the first place.

* Don't Use Children As Pawns. Children are effective tools to play with your partner's heart. However, this does damage to the children and your partner will grow to hate you. Stop trying to get your way and begin doing the right thing.

* Don't Be Inconsistent.

Stop the Negative Fantasy

Stop the Negative Fantasy
by: Rachelle Disbennett-Lee, PhD


Worry is one of those things that will pull you down and stop you in your tracks quicker than most anything else. Most things you worry about don't happen, but that doesn't seem to stop anyone from spending time and energy worrying. Worrying ruins the present by bringing in anticipation of possibly negative future events. When you worry you are actually doing something referred to as "negative fantasy." You are fantasizing not about the good that can happen, but the bad.

It is easy to say stop worrying, but much harder to actually stop. If worrying has become a habit, it can be difficult to break. One suggestion I give my clients is to set aside time each day to worry. This might seem counterproductive, but actually it helps by getting the worry out of the way. My clients have also reported that by actually setting time aside for worry they have seen how worthless it is. Just sitting there worrying is a waste of time and most people end up doing this exercise only a couple of times until they realize that worrying is fruitless.

To stop worrying, you first have to become aware you are worrying. Every time you catch yourself worrying do something that will bring your awareness back to the present. You could wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it every time you catch yourself worrying. You could place a check mark on a worry list or just say out loud, "Stop worrying!" Anything that will interrupt what you are doing and bring your awareness to the forefront will work.

When you find yourself worrying about a future event, say to yourself, "If this event happens, I would do this." By actually coming up with a plan for what you are worrying about, you defuse the worry. It is helpful to plan for the future. It is fruitless to worry about it. Trying to stop worry most likely won't work unless you replace it with something else. Instead of worrying, work on being proactive about what you are thinking. Create solutions and take action to avoid the situation completely. Part of worrying is the feeling of being helpless. If you create a plan of action, you will be prepared for what might happen and won't have to spend time worrying about it.

Computer No Longer Fast?

Computer No Longer Fast?
by: Anthony Elias


Ahh...Remember that first day you brought your computer home, plugged everything in, it was a beautiful site, it was fast, web pages loaded quickly and programs launched within seconds or faster. But after a few months or weeks things began to slow down, and you think oh man what a piece of *@&* this thing only lasted a month. Let's take a look at what happened.

Disk Drive Clutter

What you may not have realized is that in all that time you were surfing the net and downloading programs installing, and uninstalling software, is that in all that time junk has been building up on your hard drive, temporary internet files, software that you tried but did not like, but never bothered to uninstall, emails from friends and family, that are sitting in your inbox and sent items. All that junk is slowing down your computer.

When you’re hard drive becomes cluttered it begins to slow down. Your computer performance is degraded substantially. The more files you have stored on your hard drive the more they get scattered and fragmented, which in turn slows down how fast programs respond to your clicks. Think about your hard drive as a huge filing cabinet, when all the files are neatly organized and labeled, it is easy to find what you are looking for, but take that same filing cabinet and dump it all over the ground, it well take longer to find that certain file or folder that you were looking for. A computers hard drive is the same way, as files become fragmented your computer takes more time to gather the correct files and execute your commands.

In addition the more files you have fragmented the less space on your hard drive your computer has, resulting in less virtual memory. That open area or unused space on the hard drive is used as virtual memory by your computer, if you have limited free disk space for data swapping your computer will become sluggish and slow to respond to commands, so keep your hard drive clean and remove or uninstall any programs or files that you don’t need and you will see a marked difference in the way your computer performs.

There are five major factors that contribute to a computers performance

1. The type of processor you have in your computer. Not all processors are created equal. Budget brand or bargain brand processors such as the Intel Celeron or the AMD Duron are lower end processors. If you want a high performance computer stay away from the lower end processors.

2. Along with processors type comes with the maximum available cache in a processor. The large cache a CPU has the less time it needs to access the computer memory.

3. Front side bus, once again the larger or faster a computer front size bus is the better a computer will perform. The front side bus is what carries all the data between the CPU and all the devices on board the computers motherboard.

4. Hard Drive, once again it comes down to speed, typically most home PC’s will have either a 5800rpm hard drive or a 7200rpm hard drive. The faster the hard drives spins the faster the CPU can access data on the hard drive.

5. And finally memory. The quality and performance of computer memory or RAM has increase significantly the past couple of years. DDR RAM set in channels of the computers mother board has substantially increased the speed and performance of today’s computers. With that said, the more memory you have the better your computer will perform. However there is a point where too much memory becomes just a waste of money. If you are a gamer you can probably never have too much memory, but if you use your computer for web surfing and email, 256-512MB is plenty good on a Windows XP machine.

Seven Cs to Avoid Procedure Writing Errors

Seven Cs to Avoid Procedure Writing Errors
by: Chris Anderson

You do your best to make sure your organization is operating as effectively as possible. But if your policies and procedures are incomplete, outdated, or inconsistent, then they are not driving the performance improvement they should. When employees try to use incomplete or undefined procedures, waste and costly errors soon follow.

Case Study: Little Mistakes Add Up Quickly

Without knowing it, employees at a local auto parts company were having a costly problem determining when to accept customer credit. The company actually had a detailed credit application procedure, including an exhaustive error correction routine, but the procedure had one fatal flaw: it was not properly indexed.

Indexing Improves Usability

Without a way to readily locate and reference the applicable procedure in the operations manual, employees could not find it and were simply not using it at all, leading to an inconsistent process and wildly varying output. Potentially valuable customers were regularly turned away by some staff members, while others accepted bad credit risks because they were unsure of which ones to reject.

A small omission like this can add up to thousands of dollars in lost sales and good will. Even the most thorough procedures inevitably have gaps that come from being "too close" to the process or not following the basic rules of effective procedure writing.

Profit from Experience

To be effective, procedures must be action oriented, grammatically correct, and written in a consistent style and format to ensure usability. These guidelines, along with industry "best practices" that are documented in auditable criteria, can be used to improve your procedures:

1. Context. Actions must properly describe the activity to be performed.
2. Consistency. All references and terms are used the same way every time, and the procedure must ensure consistent results.
3. Completeness. There must be no information, logic, or design gaps.
4. Control. The document and its described actions demonstrate feedback and control.
5. Compliance. All actions are sufficient for their intended compliance.
6. Correctness. The document must be grammatically correct without spelling errors.
7. Clarity. Documents must be easy to read and understandable.

Quickly Improve Your Policies and Procedures without the Hassle

You can quickly resolve these usability problems and improve performance, and also upgrade your documentation to "best practice" standards without hassles or commitments. By beginning to improve your documents, you will be able to identify areas for improvement. And you can start today with the 7 Cs of “best practices”.

Hellloooo!!!

Guess this being my first blog, I would like to say hello yo all of you!

Keep rocking!!!