How My Obsession With A Young Woman Improved My Vocabulary

How My Obsession With A Young Woman Improved My Vocabulary
by: Robin Henry

Never before in my life had I experienced anything so emotionally disturbing. I couldn't sleep. I'd wake up after only three hours sleep analysing every little thing that had occurred in my interactions with this lady for whom I feel an intense love.

She had passed me in the hallway and said "Hello", did that mean she was interested? She saw me from a distance, but didn't wave. Was she disinterested? Why would an intelligent, attractive female be interested in an ageing, married man anyway? Was she relationship averse, not even wanting a platonic relationship? Perhaps she prefers same sex relationships? She doesn't seem to have any men in her life ... not that I know about. Every time we meet at a social venue she's with other females or alone.

My lady friend and I went out several times for lunch, dinner, coffee, and I enjoyed her company very much. But, I realised I had nothing to offer other than a platonic relationship. I was far too old for her, although that didn't seem to bother her and other people we know are successfully paired with huge age differences. The biggest obstacle for me was that I have a wife, so it wasn't as though we could easily be lovers. I could have accepted that. My desire for her wasn't all physical ... I would have been happy with a platonic relationship if nothing else was possible.

My sleepless nights, incessant thoughts about her and my cravings for her are still with me. I couldn't believe that at my age with years of life experience I could be troubled in such a way. Was I losing the plot? I have tried to shake off this infatuation, but am still fighting it. I've never felt like this ... ever. Why had this happened to me so late in life? Was it payback?

I decided to do some research on the Internet and see if I could find some solutions to my problem. All of a sudden I learnt a new word. Although I'm well read, highly educated and have extensive life experience, I had never heard this word before.

It has a pleasant sound to it. It flows off the lips. Better still, the word describes a psychological condition that matches what I feel exactly. Exactly.

No, I wasn't losing the plot, I was suffering a well documented condition called Limerence defined as:

"an involuntary cognitive and emotional state characterized foremost by intrustive thinking, longing for reciprocation, and sensitivity to external events that signify uncertainty on the one hand, and hope of reciprocation on the other."

Here was an explanation for the emotional upheaval I am facing. It's involuntary. I didn't "make" it happen. She didn't make it happen. It just did. For the first time in my life.

So now there's a couple of options. I have to tackle my demons by asking my "limerent object" to have a relationship so that I can get over this either by having the relationship I want, or facing the rejection that will eliminate any hope (limerence feeds on hope). Alternatively, I can avoid her and hope that my feelings subside. If not, this could go on for years, not a pleasant prospect when one's emotions are going up and down constantly. Only time will tell.

I only hope that I have never caused another human being to suffer because I was their limerent object. If I have and you read this, I'm very, very sorry. I know just how it feels.

Copyright 2006 Robin Henry

About The Author

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Robin Henry is a human resources specialist and Internet entrepreneur. He runs his home based business from Central Australia and his main site is at Desert Wave Enterprises. He helps businesses improve performance through working smarter.

http://www.dwave.com.au/