How My Obsession With A Young Woman Improved My Vocabulary

How My Obsession With A Young Woman Improved My Vocabulary
by: Robin Henry

Never before in my life had I experienced anything so emotionally disturbing. I couldn't sleep. I'd wake up after only three hours sleep analysing every little thing that had occurred in my interactions with this lady for whom I feel an intense love.

She had passed me in the hallway and said "Hello", did that mean she was interested? She saw me from a distance, but didn't wave. Was she disinterested? Why would an intelligent, attractive female be interested in an ageing, married man anyway? Was she relationship averse, not even wanting a platonic relationship? Perhaps she prefers same sex relationships? She doesn't seem to have any men in her life ... not that I know about. Every time we meet at a social venue she's with other females or alone.

My lady friend and I went out several times for lunch, dinner, coffee, and I enjoyed her company very much. But, I realised I had nothing to offer other than a platonic relationship. I was far too old for her, although that didn't seem to bother her and other people we know are successfully paired with huge age differences. The biggest obstacle for me was that I have a wife, so it wasn't as though we could easily be lovers. I could have accepted that. My desire for her wasn't all physical ... I would have been happy with a platonic relationship if nothing else was possible.

My sleepless nights, incessant thoughts about her and my cravings for her are still with me. I couldn't believe that at my age with years of life experience I could be troubled in such a way. Was I losing the plot? I have tried to shake off this infatuation, but am still fighting it. I've never felt like this ... ever. Why had this happened to me so late in life? Was it payback?

I decided to do some research on the Internet and see if I could find some solutions to my problem. All of a sudden I learnt a new word. Although I'm well read, highly educated and have extensive life experience, I had never heard this word before.

It has a pleasant sound to it. It flows off the lips. Better still, the word describes a psychological condition that matches what I feel exactly. Exactly.

No, I wasn't losing the plot, I was suffering a well documented condition called Limerence defined as:

"an involuntary cognitive and emotional state characterized foremost by intrustive thinking, longing for reciprocation, and sensitivity to external events that signify uncertainty on the one hand, and hope of reciprocation on the other."

Here was an explanation for the emotional upheaval I am facing. It's involuntary. I didn't "make" it happen. She didn't make it happen. It just did. For the first time in my life.

So now there's a couple of options. I have to tackle my demons by asking my "limerent object" to have a relationship so that I can get over this either by having the relationship I want, or facing the rejection that will eliminate any hope (limerence feeds on hope). Alternatively, I can avoid her and hope that my feelings subside. If not, this could go on for years, not a pleasant prospect when one's emotions are going up and down constantly. Only time will tell.

I only hope that I have never caused another human being to suffer because I was their limerent object. If I have and you read this, I'm very, very sorry. I know just how it feels.

Copyright 2006 Robin Henry

About The Author

---

Robin Henry is a human resources specialist and Internet entrepreneur. He runs his home based business from Central Australia and his main site is at Desert Wave Enterprises. He helps businesses improve performance through working smarter.

http://www.dwave.com.au/

Sex is a Good Thing!

Sex is a Good Thing!
by: Gwenneth Morgan

Orgasmic sex between consenting adults provides more benefits to humans than simple shared intimacy. It's also important in maintaining one's physical and mental health.

Numerous studies have shown the beneficial effects of regular orgasms. Sex has been shown to be a great cardiovascular workout and it has been proven to relieve stress, thereby preventing stress related disorders. Regular, satisfying sex may even help you live longer!

On the other hand, sexual frustration, in my opinion, is one of the greatest problems humans face today.

Now, I'm not talking about a guy who's frustrated because his wife has been out of town for a week. I'm talking about 40 year old guys who have never had sex. I'm talking about women who have been so scarred sexually, that they are hoping to get through the rest of their lives without ever having to have sex again. Where does this come from?

Well, let's start by taking a look at history and religion. In many cultures, sex has been labelled "dirty." And it's evident in the way we interact with each other every day that this perception has endured. One of the most obvious instances is the work "fuck." Apparently left over from even more repressive times, the letters are intials describing a stockade offense, "For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge." Today, it has become one of the most negative and widely used words in American English.

Look at high school boys who already have distorted views of sex before they've even participated in the act. We hear things like, "eat me", "bite me", "suck this," "nice girls don't but naughty girls do," and even as they get older, "she's fun, but she's not the kind of girl you want to marry!" How many good hearted and adventurous teenage girls have submitted to the wishes of their beau, only to be shamed, publicly ridiculed or abandoned?

Then boys become men. They get married to "nice girls" and spend the rest of their lives wishing their wives were more adventurous in bed. How many husbands hassle and harrangue their wives to give them what they need (often without thinking of their wife's needs) until she is fed up and no longer interested at all? Our whole concept of sex has become so twisted that many actually scorn its healthful and bonding effects because it has become so tangled up with pain.

And don't forget the contribution of acute sexual frustration to crime. Every sexual offense has its roots in sexual pain and frustration or misconceptions about sex. If sex offenders were capable of having loving, responsible, adult relationships, there would be no need for them to commit such crimes as rape and molestation.

What can we do?

First, let's get it straight that sex is not "dirty." It is a perfectly normal biological function and ignoring the urge won't make it go away. This is simply the way we are designed. If we truly have respect for some kind of all powerful Creator, then it's time we honor the fact that He/She/It made us the way we are. The Human body is a beautiful thing and it's wrong for us to attach such negative connotations to any aspect of our natural selves in favor of some Human conception of how we "should" be.

We must learn to embrace our sexuality. Just because you might have had a bad experience in the past does not mean you're incapable of having a good sexual experience. If your current sex life is not all that you'd like it to be, talk to your partner about what you'd like and work together to break through inhibitions. If your partner is too demanding or not open to such discussion, I suggest you think about finding another partner.

Teach our children. Studies show that children who grow up in households where the parents are more open about their bodies, as opposed to always hiding naked bodies behind closed doors, are actually better adjusted as adults. Children who get unconscious signals that the naked body is shameful or disgusting end up with many more personal hang ups and inhibitions resulting in lower self esteem which only makes it harder to enjoy a healthy sex life.

And don't be afraid to talk to children about sex. It certainly encompasses far more than "where do babies come from." Considering the impact sex, or lack of sex, has on one's life, it seems pretty silly to make everyone figure it all out for themselves by trial and error. Don't shrink away from opportunities to talk to your children about what you've learned when it comes to choosing a partner and maintaining a relationship. Even if you don't feel very successful, they can benefit from your openness and experience.

Guys, apply yourselves and learn how to get laid. Don't say stupid stuff that only serves to increase resistance to sex. You want sex. Don't cut off your nose to spite your face by sending messages that what you really want is disgusting or loathesome. And, don't let yourself get to a point where you are so desperate for sex it's all you can think about. It shows. We've all seen an unneutered dog that tries to hump the leg of everyone that comes along; it's not attractive and it won't help you reach your goal. Don't be afraid to take matters into your own hands periodically to release excess tension so you can present the real you to prospective partners.

And remember, sex is a two way street. Men wouldn't want sex all the time if they rarely ever had a real orgasm and it's the same for women. I know women who have never had an honest to goodness, shuddering, mind blowing, toe curling orgasm! Why, because their partners were far more concerned about their own pleasure instead of focusing on nuturing a long lasting sexual relationship. If all you care about is yourself, then go and pay someone to take care of your needs. Legal and regulated prostitution could go a long way to alleviating the overwhelming amount of sexual tension and resulting crime in our society.

Imagine a world where there is no sexual tension. Hold on, I'm not talking about a world where people run around naked having sex everywhere with anyone who happens to come along. I'm talking about a world where people are happy and comfortable with their bodies and sex. Where people are not so desperate for physical affection that they are actually more attractive. A world where people feel safe and willing to open themselves up to all the beneficial effects of sex. It's a tall order, I know. We've never had such a society, but it's worth it to try.

About The Author

---

Gwenneth Morgan is a 40ish, Pagan wife, mother and businesswoman who is totally fed up with the Old Way. With the belief that humans have evolved to a point where we can, as a group, embrace the Light, she has found the courage to openly share her views and encourage others to do the same. Visit her web site to learn more. http://www.gwennethmorgan.com.

I Want A Second Chance But I Keep Making Her Mad

I Want A Second Chance But I Keep Making Her Mad
by: Mark Webb, Licensed Marriage Therapist

As a therapist, I regularly counsel with men and women who are suffering with a broken heart. They tearfully plead their sincerity. Unfortunately, their fear often takes the lead of their focus and they switch to merely trying to figure out the formula or combination to get their partners to take them back again. They would rather get their own way versus doing the right thing. Be mature. Be consistent. Follow this advice.

* Don't Rally the Troops. This means don't go around and talk with all of your partner's friends, family, co-workers and worst of all, your religious leader. Men are especially prone to do this. This is a form of emotional manipulation based on guilt and shame and tends to only push your partner further away.

* Don't Fish For Reassurance. This no-no is a search for a ray of hope from the words "I love you too". Don't bait your partner with the proclamation "I love you". This forces them to respond with "I love you too" which they don't want to say. They may not give any response, which really hurts.

* Don't Repeatedly Ask Your Partner To Come Back To You. Each time you ask you are usually setting your chances back for another week.

* Don't Call. Don't Drive By. Don't Show Up At Their Work. Exercise a lot of restraint. This is very hard but it is crucial.

* Don't Try To Figure This Out By Yourself. Get a therapist or an equivalent to help you process your feelings and to develop the best approach. Telling everyone the business of your relationship will only undermine your goal and most likely make you look stupid.

* Don't Try To Be A Detective. Snooping around is a violation of their personal space. Don't go through their dressers, their e-mail, or their car. Just because they aren't feeling close to you doesn't mean that there is someone else.

* Don't Send Your Best Friend As Your Ambassador. This approach works better than you going but you have to consider that you are only trying to gain leverage versus respecting their need for space and time.

* Don't Try To Make Them Jealous. If you do this you are playing games and not seriously making an effort to hear the needs of your partner. You're also playing with other people's emotions.

* Don't Talk Bad About Your Partner. Saying negative things about your partner or trying to get people to side with you by telling your partner's faults or private matters is unforgivable.

* Don't Display Temper Tantrums. A lot of people use aggression to get their way but this reinforces your partner's notion of why they left in the first place.

* Don't Use Children As Pawns. Children are effective tools to play with your partner's heart. However, this does damage to the children and your partner will grow to hate you. Stop trying to get your way and begin doing the right thing.

* Don't Be Inconsistent.